My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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