I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
