Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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