i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
