i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
