My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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