I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
