Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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