smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
