Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
