Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
