see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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