My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
