OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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