I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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