is your mom at the bar?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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