This beer is not sobering me up at all
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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