1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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