My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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