Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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