if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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