I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
