Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
