I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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