Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
