The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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