Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
