Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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