Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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