I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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