my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
