If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
