Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
