recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
