You can't special order awesome
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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