Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
