Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
