party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
