Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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