My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
this just has baby written all over it
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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