I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
