she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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