So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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