apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
