goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
