slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
