you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
