I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
