dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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