Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
