I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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