i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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