There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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