So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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