Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
