So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
