dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
