if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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