he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
