Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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