FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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