weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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