Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I believe in your delicious
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
