She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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