i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
