They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
