After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize