Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
