Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
