My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
