you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
