wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
