Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
